I have been out of all but venlafaxine for about three weeks. Every morning, my body is full of stress biochemicals but I have no dopamine, so no matter how hard I try, I cannot stay awake for more than one hour. This catatonic response is related to, but distinct from, tonic immobility.
When I go outside, my body over reacts to everything and produces more stress biochemicals. My body prepares for danger and short-term decisions, and it becomes harder for me to speak Spanish or access long-term memory. That frustrates other people and me, which creates more stress biochemicals, which causes a vicious cycle.
Anyone can help me with money, but on 2 April 2019, my father sent me an email that read, “Let me help you.” Six weeks earlier, on 14 February 2019, he has also asked for permission to help me. I wrote, in part, “You have never needed permission to address my seven years of homelessness.” He did not help me, of course. He has been “trying” to help me for eight years, but despite being in the top 2% of income earners, he always breaks his promises. Despite me owing him US$100,000, he punishes me instead of supporting my recovery.
Yesterday, I paid MXN$400 for gas for the apartment I have not yet rented because if this plan does not work, I am fucked. Because I did not have enough money or help, my plan started to unravel yesterday, so two people agreed to help me this morning. Both of them cancelled at the last minute. I still have an unhealed, deep, painful cut on my left hand but I don’t buy band-aids because I cannot afford them. Homelessness and poverty are a war of attrition against my body and equipment, and I am losing. To start teaching English classes and become self-sufficient again, I need to rent this apartment/classroom.
To rent the apartment today, I need an additional MXN$8200 (US$432) immediately. Please support this unique opportunity.
Abuse, Dan Hogan, Death and dying, Homelessness, Poverty, Venlafaxine