Over the past 4.5 years, I have received a lot of advice. Some of it has been excellent and useful. With few exceptions, however, if someone advises me to do something, someone else advises me to do the opposite. And, too much advice is ill informed. Nevertheless, I am desperate so I have tried many things just because someone suggested it.
Over the last three months, I have attempted a few things that have been widely suggested. Unfortunately, they failed.
Some advice that I tried recently:
In June, I flew to London, United Kingdom, and I applied for political asylum. The five weeks that I spent in England is easily the most painful and traumatic experience of my life. I cannot write more than this here because it is too painful. Because of the things that happened to me there, I was given a diagnosis of panic disorder. In prior posts, I explained the panic attacks I was having. The cause of the panic attacks is my experience in the United Kingdom. I still have panic attacks every day.
In July, I arrived in the US. I sought government-assisted healthcare and food stamps. I wrote a little about my experience with the healthcare system. Because it is government-assisted, the government won’t allow the doctor to prescribe some medicines even if they will help. I could only get one of the four medicines I used to take because of politicians interfering with healthcare in the US.
As for food stamps, despite the government-healthcare program diagnosing me with severe problems and giving me some assistance, the government-run food stamp program labeled me as an “able-bodied adult.” On the one hand, the government said I was so screwed up that I needed free healthcare, but on the other hand, the government said I was perfectly healthy and did not really need help eating. Only politicians and lawyers can create systems like this.
The city I was in was too expensive for me to survive, so I left. The new town I am in is wonderful. The people are great, and it is less expensive. When I can get some money, the healthcare is affordable and I should be able to get some medicine.
Some people have implied that they do not want to help me because they do not think I am trying to fix my life or that I am not using resources that they believe are available to me. The only reason I am writing about the above experiences is just in case there are some people who will decide to help me now that they see that most doors are closed to me.
When I went to London, I had less than US$10. I have only survived the last few months because a few friends have kindly helped me. I was only able to travel to this new place because of the assistance of my friends. I am putting everything I have into surviving; I rarely have time to put effort into healing. I can be successful–I graduated in the top 3% of my law school class, for example–but I cannot possibly survive, or heal, without help from other people.
Some people who are strong and more amazing than I am have needed significant help during their lives. Bruce Lee, for example, broke his back and was bed-ridden for six months. Humans are social animals: we are a successful species largely because we help each other. I want to again contribute to society and to help other people, as I did when I was a prosecutor or when I was a teacher, but I need your help to get there.