Posted: 20 November 2014 Updated: 16 December 2017
Survival status: still trying, but still fading
Today, I realized that I have not taken any vitamin B for many days. I took a double dose, and it helped my will power. In a weird way, this is good news: it proves for the umpteenth time that if I had access to medications and medical treatment that I could heal. But, it is extremely depressing to know that the reason I am not healing is because I am poor.
My sadness is deepening. I am trying very hard to accomplish things, but it is even more difficult than it normally is. My body physically hurts from the stress.
I have 10mg of diazepam left: for maximum benefit, I would take 5mg, three times per day. I am purposely saving this until I absolutely need it. For about US$77, I could get a new prescription and 90 tabs of 10mg.
I only have enough money for food.
Still out of modafinil and the lack of it is pronounced.
A friend suggested that I look at three sub-reddits: /r/care,/r/Assistance, and /r/helpme. I want to do it, but, ironically, my depression, anxiety, and will power have been so bad that I have not yet looked into them. Still, I am happy for the suggestion because it seems like it might be useful.
There are many ways to help me, some of the simplest and most effective:
Help me improve the FAQ section: create questions, write answers, link to answers, pull quotes from answers, or edit answers. All of these things only require that you know how to use a computer. I could give people access to the editor in WordPress.
Investigate the reddit option (mentioned above) and maybe post there.
If you know anything about the technical aspects of WordPress (including admin, themes, plugin creation), Apache, Outlook macros (VBA), how to scrape all of my information from Facebook (and not just the dregs they give in the so-called export), Flickr API, or just about anything with computers, I have a ton of tasks that I am working on that often require me to learn new skills. For example, I have spent hundreds of hours over the last year trying to perfect an export macro for Outlook so that I can post emails on my website. It is a difficult problem for many reasons, and a major bottleneck for me is my poor VBA skills.