HunterThinks.com

The best-laid plans of mice and men go oft awry

Posted: 01 September 2018
Updated: 03 September 2018

Saturday inventory

Every Saturday, I inventory my medicines. I do this once per week because I still practice the habit of planning ahead: as much as I can while homeless, destitute, and a beggar.

I picked Saturday because, on Mondays, a Mexican pharmacy chain sells everything for 25% off. If I have enough money, I buy a medicine when I have less than 14 days remaining. That gives me two planned Mondays to buy the medicine, which means if I am unable to get to the pharmacy on the first Monday, I am not in a crisis situation. Again, I am still good at planning ahead: my crises are almost always because of poverty.

Alprazolam: ~12 days (important medicine)
Antacid/antigas: 7 doses
Anti-diarrhea: 7 doses
Bupropion: 4 days (important medicine)
DEET: enough
Diazepam: none (important medicine)
Honey: not applicable
Ibuprofen: 6 doses
L-Tyrosine: none, almost impossible to buy in Mexico (important medicine)
Loratadine: ~14 days
Modafinil: 6 days (important medicine)
Naproxen/lidocaine gel: enough
Omeprazole: ~21 days
Ranitidine: enough
Sunblock: none
Venlafaxine: 7 days (important medicine)
Vitamin B: ~22 days (important medicine)
Vive 100% energy drink: buy daily (important medicine)

I wanted to write more. I especially wanted to describe the therapeutic plan I want to pursue. But, I must leave this small park because there are too many stressors. I slept here last night because I am too poor to sleep inside. 1) I didn’t sleep well because the nightclubs played music until 7 am and because every time someone walked by me, I was worried about being robbed or sexually assaulted. 2) I have a very painful toothache that I have been trying to cure antiseptic mouthwash. 3) I was very nauseous all morning, which is extremely unusual. 4) I have not eaten enough today. 5) I have not eaten enough for 10 days, in part because of the toothache. 6) Last night, someone defecated in the park. It is a small park, and the bowel movement is huge and disgusting and has a powerful, inescapable stench. 7) It’s midday and impossible to escape the sun: I am hot and getting sunburnt.

I was coping with all of those stressors, but this final stressor is the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. 8) Someone parked their car next to the park, and the car alarm is sounding non-stop. It is insanely loud. I have headphones in my ears, and I am listening to music with the volume at 100%, but unless I push the headphones into my ear, I can still clearly hear the alarm. The person who owns the car is not doing anything about it.

I do not sit around crying, “The loud noises are bad. Someone save me.” Today is an excellent example of my life. I was successfully coping with a terrible night of fearful sleep, pain from an infected tooth, unusual and extreme nausea, hunger, poor nutrition, a smell similar to a sewage treatment plant, heat, and adding more sunburn to my existing sunburn. The car alarm is loud enough that most people stop and look at the car: it is unusually loud.

If I were not already coping with those specific stressors, extreme poverty, hopelessness, five years of isolated loneliness, 5HT2A desensitization, hypo-dopamine, and an overactive amygdala, then the car alarm would not interfere with my activities.

见死不救 or support my recovery?

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