Trying to recover from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and panic disorder

Posted: 06 January 2018
Updated: 06 January 2018

Food, medicine & shelter

Thank you for supporting my recovery

Yesterday, I tried to explain the process and equipment I need to cure my health problems. I asked for US$37.33 to $92.52 to buy equipment for the next steps in the process. Someone who has been a great friend, both before my problems and during, sent me $100.01. Thank you. My goal is to sequester that money and only use it for making psilocybin.

My immediate survival needs

I’m out of food. I have some tortillas, garlic, and salt. About 10 days ago, I bought medicine, and because I had medicine, I have been able to cook my own food, which saved a lot of money. But, yesterday I only ate eggs and tortillas, and today, I’ve only had some cheese.

Today, I took my last dose of modafinil, which is my most important medicine. Without it, everything will collapse because I won’t eat enough and I won’t be able to get “out of bed” often enough. (I don’t have a bed. I sleep on the concrete floor.) I need some medicines.

I have been able to save money by cooking because I have an apartment. Furthermore, without an apartment, I can’t make the medicine that will cure me. On 11 January 2018, I must pay MXN$1200 in monthly rent. (US$62.58)

My apartment is cheap for many reasons, including that I don’t live near any stores. Public transportation costs MXN$10-$50 (US$0.52-$2.61) each way. But, some companies have home delivery. In a few cases, it’s free. Usually, the cost is MXN$25-$50, which is sometimes cheaper than me going to the store by public transportation. In any event, because of my remote location, transportation is an expense.

A one month budget


I must have modafinil or everything will fall apart. Because the boxes come in 7, 14, and 28 day supplies, I calculated budgets for those times. Below is all of the medicine I need or will need.

Vive 100% is an energy drink. I don’t know why it helps my depression, but it does help. I tried substituting coffee, but that didn’t work. I don’t drink soda anymore. Local honey fights allergies. Furthermore, I don’t buy sugar anymore: I use honey instead. That’s why those two things are on my medicine list.

Medicine7 days14 days28 days
Total MXN$$768.50$1,749.85$2,869.85
Vive 100%$140.00$280.00$560.00
Vitamin B$0.00$60.35$60.35
Local honey$80.00$80.00$80.00

Rent, food, medicine & transportation

The following table includes the totals from the medicine budget, above. I have long had a sophisticated spreadsheet to help me budget my money. I adapted it for the table below. (My attempts to budget have been useless because my life changes too quickly, so the spreadsheet has been of limited value.)

I included a column for one month. I have a detailed calculation of the average monthly cost of my medicine, and I used that value in the spot for one month of medicine. That’s why the number doesn’t seem to fit with the other numbers for medicine.

My budget template includes a miscellaneous category (soap, repairs, etc.), and I included it for reference.

I calculated the PayPal and ATM fees. After seeing the results, I considered removing them from the table, but I did the work, so I’m sharing the results.

Expense7 days14 days28 days1 month
Total US$$184.25$312.14$520.23$621.78
Total MXN$$3,238$5,488$9,146$10,932
Fees, US$$5.88$9.78$16.33$19.48

I can heal with your support

This is my chance to recover. Please help me be a whole person again. PayPal account: [email protected]