How does my post-traumatic stress disorder affect my life?
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a specific form of anxiety with relatively predictable symptoms and predictable triggers of the symptoms. I have lost nearly all of my personal and professional relationships, in part, because of PTSD–it is not a trivial matter that I can simply “snap” out of: it is a serious and debilitating illness.
- Re-experiencing of traumatic events
- Avoidance of events, places, people, that might trigger re-experiencing the trauma
- Numbing the senses to avoid feeling anything
- A constant, alert state; being more easily startled than before the trauma
Physical symptoms include:
- Acid reflux
- Anxiety attacks that can be triggered by small and innocuous things
Emotional and mental symptoms include:
- Quick and sudden oscillation between moods
- Unpredictable emotions and reactions
- Feeling that my rational mind is not working properly
- Irregular sleep patterns and nightmares
Some posts with more details:
Why cannot I “just get a job”?
Imagine you had a co-worker or employee who, every day, suddenly became overwhelmed and crawled under his desk. No matter how good he was at his job, do you think it would be good for the workplace to have an employee who is afraid to open emails?
Sometimes I am paralyzed by indecision and other times I experience anxiety attacks triggered by absurdly small and innocuous things.
I feel as if my rational mind is quite slow and I feel confused by things that normally would not confuse me. This symptom comes and goes, and only in May 2014 did I learn it was connected with my PTSD.
Every hour of every day, I must battle through events and symptoms such as above. No task, no matter how trivial, is guaranteed to be simple or easy. If I did not have to cope with my broken emotional reactions and my intermittently-hobbled rational mind, then I could certainly rise out of my poverty and other problems. But my emotions are out of control and my rational mind sometimes refuses to cooperate, so I am stuck in this downward spiral of poverty and mental illness.
Some posts with more details:
What medicine do I need?
All of the following have been prescribed or recommended by a doctor, and all of the prescriptions have been prescribed by a specialist, such as a gastroenterologist.
- Venlafaxine 75mg, 2 x day, for anxiety disorder, PTSD, and panic disorder
- Modafinil, prescriptions have ranged from 100mg 1 x day to 3 x day, depending on my need, for depression
- Diazepam 5mg, 3 x day, as needed or lorazepam 1 mg, 3 x day, as needed, for anxiety disorder, PTSD, and panic disorder
- Alprazolam 2mg 1 x day, as needed, for anxiety disorder with a profound sadness symptom
- Omeprezole 20mg, 1 x day, for IBS and GERD
- Ranitidine, for IBS and GERD
- Anti-diarrhea, for IBS
- Acetaminophen (paracetamol), for pain
- Loratadine, for allergies and to reduce the effects of asthma
Supplements (I have not had the opportunity to discuss these with a doctor):
- Vitamin B complex
- DHEA: I have not tried it yet, but medical research shows that it is effective for treating many of the symptoms I have
Posts tagged with:
What do I need to build a new life?
My goals are to heal, be financially self-sufficient, and to have a life of meaning.
- Time to work through emotions and events
- Reducing stress, especially from worrying about necessities (above)
- Minor objects, such as soap
- Talk therapy
- Some useful objects, like prescription glasses
- Additional medical care, such as dental for my many broken teeth
Why am I posting my ideas instead of doing my ideas?
I am posting my ideas because my medical conditions prevent me from doing my ideas. That is a primary definition of disability: a medical condition that prevents someone from accomplishing that which the person would be able to accomplish if the medical condition were not present.
Without help from other people so that I can heal, I will never be able to do any of my ideas. By posting my ideas, it helps me to not be attached to them anymore, and it seems that non-attachment is essential to my survival.
What treatments are available to me?
I am citizen of the United States, and our healthcare system only properly serves those who can afford it–plus it is the most expensive healthcare system in the world. For most of my life, I have not been able to afford full treatment. Nevertheless, since I was 23 years old, I have had some access to treatment and decent access to diagnoses. The result is that I have a deep understanding of what medical treatments I need–and what seems to be just as important: what medical treatments I do not need.
For my mental health, since 2007, I have seen general practitioners, psychiatrists, and therapists in Chicago, Beijing, Western Illinois, Cairo, the United Kingdom, and Austin. The diagnoses and prescribed treatments have been consistent. All have recommended medications to help me cope with my symptoms. All have stated that drugs will not cure my symptoms, and that I must make changes in my life if I am to heal.
The recommended treatments have included talk therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy. With a couple of my long-term psychiatrists (medical doctors who specialize in psychiatric medicine), we discussed the possibility of electroconvulsive therapy. It was never a serious option, however, because of the cost. No doctor has ever recommended inpatient programs. In Cairo, I tried to get into an inpatient program, but the doctors refused to admit me, in part because I did not fit the profile for someone who needed it.
Medicine and a museum
With a friend’s help, I was able to get some medicine. With the help of the medicine, I was able to have a few hours of normal life.⇒ Read ⇒
UK Border Agency caused panic disorder so severe that I was willing to do anything to end my incarceration
The UK Border Agency caused me to have panic disorder that was so severe that I did not care about my asylum application or anything other than getting out of detention and stopping the panic attacks.⇒ Read ⇒
Unfinished letter to UK Border Agency about my untreated medical conditions
I was so disabled by the panic attacks caused by my illegal jailing that I could not even finish writing a letter.⇒ Read ⇒
Complaint to the Independent Monitoring Boards about the UK Border Agency and Geo Group refusing to treat my medical conditions
The government illegally refused to treat my medical conditions and I tried to get help through the IMB–it failed.⇒ Read ⇒
United Kingdom Home Office, Border Agency, Asylum Procedures under Fast Track and Non-Suspensive Appeals
The document the UK government gave me when they told me that they would not use the Certify Refused option of Fast Track.⇒ Read ⇒
I am worn out
The human animal is remarkably resilient.⇒ Read ⇒
A plan that is not a plan
Based on recent experiences, it is plausible that I could reduce my stress in the next 45 days–but I only have 10 days of money left.⇒ Read ⇒
Web typography and the golden ratio
If you are ready to learn about typography for the web, then the following resources are excellent.⇒ Read ⇒
I bought some medicine
This is the most sick I have been in a long time, so I had to buy some medicine. I could only afford some anti-diarrhea medicine, so I spent US$3 on it and I bought some saltine crackers. I feel a little better because I am less dehydrated and because my body has been able . . .⇒ Read ⇒
Survival status: some good news
A little more financial help came at the perfect time.⇒ Read ⇒
Dan Hogan, “certified master facilitator,” demonstrates poor communication skills
Today, my dad, Dan Hogan, sent me a short email that illustrates many of things he does wrong. Over the last four years, my dad would sometimes write mean things in emails, and I would warn him that if he persisted, then I would create an email rule to automatically delete his emails. Each time . . .⇒ Read ⇒
Dan Hogan disrespects my boundaries: uses alternate email to contact me
To circumvent the boundary I set, Dan Hogan uses an alternate email account to contact me.⇒ Read ⇒
Rise of the panic disorder
My panic disorder seems to be severe enough that it eclipses even my serotonin withdrawal syndrome.⇒ Read ⇒
Finding wu wei
This is a story about accidentally finding myself while trying to find a Beijing pizza restaurant.⇒ Read ⇒
Hundreds of my ideas shared; trying to write about a major issue
Over the past month, I have shared hundreds of my ideas ranging from physics to climate change to computing to business to law to labor to domestic violence to social reform to photography. The ideas I shared were only the ideas that I already had written in a format that was easy to convert to . . .⇒ Read ⇒
Marilyn, baseball analyst business idea
Marilyn has baseball knowledge and presentation skills, and she attracts men. Combine all three: make YouTube videos with her analysis of baseball and make money through advertising, sponsorships, and endorsements. Once the product is established, we would produce a video about a baseball topic she analyzed. Examples include an important game, a trade, player . . .⇒ Read ⇒
If surveillance is good, open it to all
If mass monitoring in its current form is so good at discovering bad things AND if the information is allegedly not an intrusion of privacy, then make ALL of the tools and information immediately available for public use. The public will be able to find the bad people much more quickly than any agency because . . .⇒ Read ⇒
Contempt to privately enforce OOP, CNCO
Victims need private enforcement Prosecutors do not allocate enough resources Prosecutors have different goals than victims Scope of article Illinois law OOP CNCO No stalking orders Not TRO or injunctions (but has a lot of overlap) Basics of getting a judgment for attorneys fees and collecting those fees (9% per annum rule) Remedies Civil contempt . . .⇒ Read ⇒
Prof. David Wilkins on Corporations and Law Firms
Professor Wilkins mentioned that corporations don’t want to pay for the training of first year associates. In other words, they insist on only working with skilled and knowledgeable associates. He speculated about some possible solutions. I believe I have one solution: subject lawyers to overtime laws. Concentration of knowledge leads to long hours for lawyers. . . .⇒ Read ⇒
Legal ideas and interesting cases
Look at the idea that broad discovery rules expanded substantive rights. I think it may have accelerated them, but that they would have eventually arrived. Plus liberal discovery allows the law to be applied more precisely. If discovery were limited, then maybe automobiles would have become strict liability cases or maybe manufacturers would have very . . .⇒ Read ⇒